my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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