The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
