You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
