I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
