I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I can't trust your balls anymore.
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