I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
