tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
