I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Boobs speak an international language.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
