She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
