Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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