I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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