At least make sure they are 18
Why
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
it's like heaven, but drunker
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
