i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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