Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
