im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
