That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
