i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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