Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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