Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
