You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
