Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
