just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
