She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
