Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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