i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
