get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I think my fart just growled at me.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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