That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
