just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
