You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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