I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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