Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
