I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
