OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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