Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I forgot how hot balto sounded
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
