I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
