Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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