Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
