whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
