cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
