Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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