I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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