Even the bartender felt bad for me
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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