There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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