yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
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