Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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