I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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