u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
