dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
