Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
