I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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