only if we run a train.
done.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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