guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
All the doctor said was why
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
