I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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