I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
