if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize