just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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