were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
