if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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