In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Banned from zoo.
Again?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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