do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
