Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
