I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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