drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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