fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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